Failing to Care for Myself Was The Best, Worst Thing to Ever Happen to Me

Meet Evan Yun:

Evan Yun is a 4th year undergraduate student from the University of California, Riverside and a content creator and strategist for Free Logic Media LLC.

Evan’s failure story:

I’ve come across failure many times. From failing exams, to getting rejected after applying to multiple internships a week, I’ve had my fair share of failing so I think I can truthfully say that failing sucks. However, there was one particular moment that made me realize the beauty of failing. This was the moment that I realized I failed to care for myself.

Every so often I struggle with my mental health, but not too long ago, I hit my rock bottom. I would sleep all day because, quite frankly, I felt like I had no reason to wake up and it felt almost painful for me to do simple everyday tasks such as making my bed, eating, and even having conversations with my family. I also struggle with anxiety here and there and which is what caused me to lose my appetite to the point where I actually lost 20 lbs. The day I realized I failed myself, I asked myself “Is this how you want to feel the rest of your life?” and the obvious answer to that question simply was; no, I didn’t. This answer was easy, but things are always easier said than done. When you fail to care for yourself, it’s hard to feel any sense of hope that things will get better, and I let myself believe and I actually accepted the idea that it wouldn’t.

Everyday I felt like I was drowning in my own thoughts, thinking I wasn’t good enough and I felt this horrible feeling of not being good enough in many aspects of my life. Whether it was work, family, friendships, or relationships, I couldn’t help but feel that I was nothing but a disappointment and that every negative aspect within these situations of life was my fault. Once I started drowning in that pool of insecurity, it became a slippery slope and I let it get the best of me to the point where my thoughts partially started to become a reality. And that is how I hit rock bottom.

How failure led to where I am today:

I hated feeling down all the time so I decided to put measures into my own hands. After consultation from close friends and family, I decided to start therapy, I began to work on my discipline and I started to practice journaling and meditation to clear my mind.

Slowly I am starting to build that care that I’ve had for myself once again and I am glad that I made the realization that I needed to change my habits, because quite frankly, I currently am feeling the happiest I’ve felt in years. Whenever I get that feeling of being a disappointment, I take a moment to sit and reflect. At the end of the day I’ll ask myself in my journal, “Why did I feel like that and how can I do better next time?” Instead of dwelling in my own thoughts, I decided to use them as motivation, and surprisingly, since then, I’ve noticed a significant increase in my overall well being.

I’m still nowhere close to where I want to be, but I’m glad that I realized that I needed change within my life. I can gladly say that since I started to work on myself once again, I not only noticed increased well being for myself, but also I noticed I’ve strengthened relationships I hold within my life, whether it be for work, family or friends.

Advice on failure:

Fearing failure can hold you back from so much potential success. In my case, I was scared that I wouldn’t get better, even if I tried. I didn’t want to waste all that energy to see no progress. However, you never truly know the outcome of things until you actually attempt it. If you’re scared of applying for that job, or running for that position, do it! Don’t let the fear of failure hold you back from even trying, because the worst thing that can happen is getting told “no.” I know rejection sucks, failure sucks, but it’s up to ultimately up to you what you do with that feeling. You can reflect, learn and grow, or you can let it get the best of you.

With that, I’ll leave you with a quote from Kobe Bryant. “Things come and go. Emotions come and go. The important thing is to accept them all. To Embrace them all. And then you can choose to do with them what you want versus being controlled by emotion.”

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