Learn to Acknowledge Your Suffering

Born in Southern California but bred by her dynamic life experiences, Monica Stockhausen prides herself on being professional, ambitious and community-oriented.

Exposure to socio-economic issues that plague underserved communities introduced her to the field of social welfare. When the opportunity to move to New York presented itself, Ms. Stockhausen continued in her quest to develop human potential. As a result of her passion for socio-economic issues coupled with 9 years of non-profit experience, at 24 years of age, Ms. Stockhausen accepted an appointment to faculty at Long Island Business Institute in New York City.

Speaking to her strong emphasis on entrepreneurship and higher education, Ms. Stockhausen believes.

“Success begets success, create a little and watch it propel you even further. Connect yourself to systems (educational institutions, incubators, programs, mastermind groups etc..)  that can sharpen your big 3: talent, work ethic and social capital, with this, there is all to gain and minimal to lose.”

NerdyGirl LLC  is a personal and professional development company that is designed to develop smart women to be confident, courageous and competitive in the U.S. job market, in order to help narrow the gender wage gap in California. 

Currently, Monica has been named one of California’s 47th District 30 most influential people under 30. She is a prolific public speaker, Founder of NerdyGirlsRock, Professor of Business at Chaffey College in Rancho Cucamonga, CA and a Monetization Strategist.

That year when you took a break, how were you able to cope with that?


Your identity is built in doing something, so if you’re not working you feel like you lack purpose. But you are more than those jobs. At that time, my esteem was strongly tied to achievement. If I didn’t have those things, I didn’t know who I was. But that is not life. 

“You need peace with yourself. You need to connect with yourself at an instinctive level that if you are not doing anything, you are still in purpose. If you are sitting in silence but in peace, you are still in purpose.” 

I recommend therapy to anyone because it’s more about prevention than intervention. I think it’s important to be able to speak to someone who is objective. There are a lot of biases and prejudices that can come along with someone else’s advice as well-meaning as they are.

You want to do your research because not all therapists are created equal. I need someone who is a woman of color, so I’m not busy trying to explain my culture to them. That’s not the same for every black woman. 

Therapy is something that helped me reframe and reposition things so I can see things in a whole new perspective. 

There was a moment in time in therapy when I would constantly say, “I should have known” or “I should have done this.” My therapist said, “how would you have known?” 

The beauty of therapy is that they don’t pressure the realization on you; they help you realize that on your own. Taking the pressure off myself was immensely attributed to being in therapy. 

Woman wearing orange suit

Mental Health Resources

I never acknowledged my own suffering, but I would acknowledge everyone else’s suffering. 

I wouldn’t care for myself the way I would care for other people. 

I literally have to ask myself, “Monica, are you okay? Monica, what do you want right now to be okay? Monica, do you need to let it out?” 

Simply acknowledging that one, I exist, but two, I need to show myself self-compassion. I need to listen to the things I say and recognize how I was so mean. If someone outside of me said things I said to myself, I would think that the person is a monster. 

I have to realize that I don’t have to accept everything that my brain spews out. My brain just takes in a whole ton of information and spits it back out when it thinks it’s needed. 

Monica’s big takeaways:

  1. Noticing that me and myself are separate from my brain 
  2. Self Compassion
  3. Acknowledging my own suffering 

These three takeaways changed the way I deal and love myself. When I am going through something, I am not my emotion. I am experiencing this emotion, but it’s not who I am. I have to ask myself, “What is allowing me to feel that way?” Now I’m processing and healing so that I’m not in this dark place anymore. 

Monica’s Recommended Books

Self Compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff 

The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle

Attached” by Amir Levine

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