Learn to Acknowledge Your Suffering

Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on facebook
Share on email
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on facebook
Share on email

Born in Southern California but bred by her dynamic life experiences, Monica Stockhausen prides herself on being professional, ambitious and community-oriented.

Exposure to socio-economic issues that plague underserved communities introduced her to the field of social welfare. When the opportunity to move to New York presented itself, Ms. Stockhausen continued in her quest to develop human potential. As a result of her passion for socio-economic issues coupled with 9 years of non-profit experience, at 24 years of age, Ms. Stockhausen accepted an appointment to faculty at Long Island Business Institute in New York City.

Speaking to her strong emphasis on entrepreneurship and higher education, Ms. Stockhausen believes.

“Success begets success, create a little and watch it propel you even further. Connect yourself to systems (educational institutions, incubators, programs, mastermind groups etc..)  that can sharpen your big 3: talent, work ethic and social capital, with this, there is all to gain and minimal to lose.”

NerdyGirl LLC  is a personal and professional development company that is designed to develop smart women to be confident, courageous and competitive in the U.S. job market, in order to help narrow the gender wage gap in California. 

Currently, Monica has been named one of California’s 47th District 30 most influential people under 30. She is a prolific public speaker, Founder of NerdyGirlsRock, Professor of Business at Chaffey College in Rancho Cucamonga, CA and a Monetization Strategist.

That year when you took a break, how were you able to cope with that?

Therapy. 

Your identity is built in doing something, so if you’re not working you feel like you lack purpose. But you are more than those jobs. At that time, my esteem was strongly tied to achievement. If I didn’t have those things, I didn’t know who I was. But that is not life. 

“You need peace with yourself. You need to connect with yourself at an instinctive level that if you are not doing anything, you are still in purpose. If you are sitting in silence but in peace, you are still in purpose.” 

I recommend therapy to anyone because it’s more about prevention than intervention. I think it’s important to be able to speak to someone who is objective. There are a lot of biases and prejudices that can come along with someone else’s advice as well-meaning as they are.

You want to do your research because not all therapists are created equal. I need someone who is a woman of color, so I’m not busy trying to explain my culture to them. That’s not the same for every black woman. 

Therapy is something that helped me reframe and reposition things so I can see things in a whole new perspective. 

There was a moment in time in therapy when I would constantly say, “I should have known” or “I should have done this.” My therapist said, “how would you have known?” 

The beauty of therapy is that they don’t pressure the realization on you; they help you realize that on your own. Taking the pressure off myself was immensely attributed to being in therapy. 

Woman wearing orange suit

Mental Health Resources

I never acknowledged my own suffering, but I would acknowledge everyone else’s suffering. 

I wouldn’t care for myself the way I would care for other people. 

I literally have to ask myself, “Monica, are you okay? Monica, what do you want right now to be okay? Monica, do you need to let it out?” 

Simply acknowledging that one, I exist, but two, I need to show myself self-compassion. I need to listen to the things I say and recognize how I was so mean. If someone outside of me said things I said to myself, I would think that the person is a monster. 

I have to realize that I don’t have to accept everything that my brain spews out. My brain just takes in a whole ton of information and spits it back out when it thinks it’s needed. 

Monica’s big takeaways:

  1. Noticing that me and myself are separate from my brain 
  2. Self Compassion
  3. Acknowledging my own suffering 

These three takeaways changed the way I deal and love myself. When I am going through something, I am not my emotion. I am experiencing this emotion, but it’s not who I am. I have to ask myself, “What is allowing me to feel that way?” Now I’m processing and healing so that I’m not in this dark place anymore. 

Monica’s Recommended Books

Self Compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff 

The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle

Attached” by Amir Levine

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

More Stories

I Would Tell My Middle School Self that She is Capable

“I would tell my middle school self that she is enough and she is capable of doing all things; it’s up to her to start. The beauty that she is looking for starts with her heart. Lastly, I would tell her that she is loved and cared for. I would remind her she is worthy of love which is the meaning of her name.”

Read More »

Losing Myself for a Year and Finding Her Again

“The harder thing is not in what skills you have, but in developing character- and because I already have that down, I can do anything.” It just took a year of underestimating myself to realize that…I would never disrespect myself to that extent again- because I know myself, I know the things I enjoy and am set to do.

Read More »

When You Feel Unloved

I used to be a pretty judgmental person, thinking that I knew the right way to go about things… until my first year as a working professional when I started experiencing loneliness and depression. Depression can be very humbling sometimes, as I’ve now realized that everybody’s got their shit.

Read More »

How to Nail Your Zoom Interview

Virtual interviewing presents a few unique challenges to overcome if you want to nail your interview and get the job. If you follow the following pieces of advice, you can help yourself stand out from other applicants for the right reasons and maximize your potential for success.

Read More »

Contact Us